Introducing My Little Hobblet Ems
Born September 5th, 2017
I am so excited to introduce the newest member of the Hobblet clan. Mike and I couldn't be more in love with our little girl. This is our first baby, so the past 6 weeks we've just been bumbling though life trying to figure out this whole new parenting thing. It's been a crazy ride so far, especially with my husband's insane work schedule. He is a union carpenter and has been working 12+ hours a day, 7 days a week for the past two months. It's been rough! Sometimes I find myself getting angry with him for not being here to help. Then get angry with myself for even considering being upset with him when he's working so hard to keep the roof over our head and the food on our table. He wants to be here with us. He doesn't want to work those long, hard hours. But he does, and I'm grateful. I guess it's mostly just me missing him. Thankfully the first few weeks of having baby at home my grandma came to stay with us and my family/friends were an extreme help.
Helpful as they were, I started to get this overwhelming sense of possessiveness. I was tired of sharing my baby! Every time she'd wail or make a noise, my grandma would whisk her from my arms before I could even attempt to soothe her. My hordes of aunts and cousins would come over and play hot potato with my tiny little infant. I was beginning to dread guests.
I know what you're thinking,
"Kat, why didn't you just say no to visitors? Why didn't you send grandma home? Kick them outta your house woman!!"
I eventually did say no to visitors. My family is kind of known for throwing around the guilt, and I have this terrible disease of worrying about what others think, or hurting feelings that makes me not good with saying no. I hate confrontation and I tend to be a people pleaser. They would tell me, she's only this small once. So they want to see her as much as they can.
She's only this small ONCE and this is my FIRST baby. I wanted to be able to enjoy her without someone grabbing her from me. It was like tug of war in my soul. Between wanting to be selfish and to share her with the people I love most.
Eventually I had to send grandma home because I would cry when she'd take Ems. Em would cry and fuss in my arms but be calm and fall asleep for my grandma. I was beginning to think my new baby didn't like me. That all I was to her was lunch!
Exhibit A: I went to hold her and she immediately baby bird mouth for my boobies. (the real word is called rooting)
Grandma was with me for the first two weeks because of the threat of PPD. I will write a full blog on this much later. SHORT VERSION: My OBGYN urged me to take antidepressants during my pregnancy. Despite the horrible feeling of not wanting to exist anymore, I refused to take the meds out of fear. I didn't know how it would effect my little so I suffered through the anxiety and the uncontrollable depression and sadness.
After she was born, they pushed the meds again. Again, I declined. I had grandma, I was enamored by this new little human, and I had decided to breastfeed (something I never thought I would do in 100 years). How would the medicine effect her through the milk? Was I willing to risk my baby girl for my mental issues? I'd do anything for her.
I was feeling strong, confident. So I sent grandma home so I could bond with my baby. After a week on my own, I managed. It was hard, but I did it. However, that dark cloud I had been keeping at bay managed to wiggle it's way to the surface after 2 months in. I was conflicted by this huge amount of love for my baby, and to run away, hide in a small hole, bury myself and never come out. I had to call grandma back over.
First, I can't believe I am officially a mom. It still feels so surreal. All those fears and worries I had while pregnant just seemed to just melt away as I looked into those beautiful round eyes. Not saying that I don't have fears and worries, because trust me, they're still there. I guess they just seem so insignificant in comparison to my love for this little girl.
I can honestly say, I never knew what love was until she entered into my world and stole my heart.
Labor & Delivery
It all started around 1AM on September 5th. I got up to use the bathroom as I normally did. At 40 weeks pregnant on the dot it didn't help that baby was sitting on my bladder. When I managed to crawl back under the covers, I began slowly drifting off to sleep. It was a light sleep, so when I felt the little one kick me, it was followed by a strange popping noise that woke me straight out of bed. I bolted to the bathroom before the liquid hit the bed or anything else. I was so confused.
Was I peeing my pants? Was this my water breaking? It wasn't like in the movies where a gush of water comes pouring out followed by a huge amount of pain. It just felt like this trickle of water running down my legs that I couldn't control. There was no pain, just the non-stop trickle of water. I woke my husband up and told him what was going on. He immediately said call the doctor. Now, I happen to be a huge chicken and was trying to convince him (and myself) that I was just peeing my pants. We both started googling what to do, or how do you know if your water broke like any good millennial would do! Haha!
I decided to shower and calm myself down. Mike ended up calling the doctor anyway and they said to come in despite myinsistence that it could just be an uncontrollable bladder. I finally accepted it was time when the trickle started up again. My water had definitely broken but it was a slow leak where your amniotic sac doesn't break fully. It was literally a day before peach's due date, so it was time to pack up!
As soon as we got in the car the contractions started. They first felt like the start of a period cramp.
I was so excited and nervous, I laughed it off as, "if this is the worst of it I can totally do this!"
Of course the contractions gradually got worse. As we got checked in and settled into the labor room at around 2AM they told me I was only dilated to 3cm. I was given dosages of antibiotic because I tested positive for group B strep, a bacteria that can effect baby during delivery unless you get the antibiotic beforehand. Because I happen to be a nervous nelly, I asked if I could walk around and shake off the pain that was steadily increasing. They were strongly against it being that my water was partially broken, they let me do a few laps. Not only that, but I kept having the urge to go to the bathroom, like a horrible stomach ache mixed with nerves.
So, fun fact!
During my entire pregnancy, little Em LOVED to kick the crap out of me. Rightfully so, her legs are extremely long like her daddy (he's 6'4). So as I was trucking through the contractions, my belly suddenly went oblong. It looked like something straight out of a horror movie. My perfectly round belly was now all on my left side and flat on the right. The nurse tried to hide her panic, but they thought Em had gone breach. They had to call in the Doctor and do an ultrasound. Turns out, little miss had just straightened her little legs and was pushing them against my belly as hard as she could. Just sitting there with her legs straight chilling.
The contractions slowly got worse eventually and it was time for the epidural. By then it was around 9AM. I had been dreading this part of labor the entire 9 months of pregnancy. I know I have quite a few tattoos, but man do needles scare the crap out of me! Especially when you google absolutely everything and read all the horror stories about them. I had a full blown panic attack as the anesthesiologist prepped for the shot.
I FREAKING LOVE EPIDURALS.
Girls, it was a game changer. As the nurse held me while I cried because I dreamed up the worse pain imaginable, or that I was going to never walk again, etc. I didn't feel a damn thing. A mosquito bite hurt worse. I felt the medicine work through my body and the contraction pain just melted away. I still had full control of my legs and I felt the contractions, but there was literally no pain.
I was even able to take a small nap too. Although I had a full house in the room with me, my husband, his parents, my mom and grandma. I don't really get along with my mother in law so it got to a point where the nurse had to kick everyone out of the room because my MIL wouldn't stop talking to me while I was trying to rest..haha.
Hours went by and they decided it was time to speed things along, so they gave me pitocin to induce my labor. It was then
I jumped from 3cm to 8cm within a few hours. If you were curious to know how you know when it's time to push, the sensation is literally the feeling of having to poop. I was convinced I had to go to the bathroom. They were telling me that it meant baby was coming.
After only 30 minutes of pushing, Emryn Marie made her way into the world. They set her slimy, purple little body on my chest as she let out a small cry and I was instantly in love. She became my entire world.
I looked over to my husband on the right of me and he was overcome with tears. We have been together for almost 10 years and I can count on one hand how many times I've seen the man cry. It made me love him even more, if you could even think that possible. I fell in love with him all over again, knowing the kind of father he was going to be.
I looked to my left and saw my mother, holding my hand, also in tears. The woman who had held my hand throughout my life, who had me at 18 years old and was my best friend was now helping me bring into this world a little girl. A little girl that I have so many hopes and dreams for. A little girl, that I hope will have me for a best friend like my mom is for me.
Another fun story, her head was acting like a plug. So as soon as her noggin cleared the birthing canal, amniotic fluid went flying everywhere. It was literally like a tidal wave, soaking everyone. My mom, the doctor and the 3 nurses. WOOSH! When I think back, it's kind of comical.
Overall it was an amazing experience and wasn't as terrifying as I thought it would be. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. The swelling, the sciatica pain, the puking, if it meant getting to love her every day.
It was like a piece of me was always missing, and suddenly in that moment, I finally became whole.
Introducing My Little Hobblet, Ems